The count down of my termination day should officially start right now, as I am wrapping up my project and filling out all kinds of evaluation forms and time-sheets. Although I am not yet ready to go back to school, I know well enough that I have to move on. In retrospect, as always, despite setting up too many aspirations to be realistically accomplished in 3 months, I nonetheless gave full credit to this internship experience.

Technical Gains:

Believe it or not, out of all the potential learning opportunities, to gain technical expertise is the least I would expect, one reason being that the deliberate down-tuning of industry experience, so prevalent in the academic environment I have been in, has successfully embedded some unconscious bias in my mind. After only a few days into the internship, my unfounded underestimation quickly faded away, and taking its place was my honest respect. To be fair, comparing with a 5-year Ph.D., some of these industry people have been on the job for more than 10 years, so it is not surprising that they exhibit superior circuit design skills and knowledge. While I am by no means questioning the value of a doctoral degree, this internship put it crystal clear that doing a Ph.D. for the right reason is a must and the reason can differ greatly regarding which research area you are working on.

Career Direction:
Did I mention that even before the start of the internship, I have made up my mind to treat it more as a vacation than work? Admittedly, if it is not for my already derailed passion for technology, I could have learned more from and thought more highly of the experience. I have no excuse: Broadcom is a great company and people here are nice and friendly, just as what you would expect from any company where engineers make up 70% of its workforce; nothing is spared to create a comfortable work environment--$3 discounted dinner, free drinks, free gym, ..., you name it. So what on earth put me in a flimsy sullen mood, even under the most sunny South California sky?

The answer, my friend, is direction. I have never felt more lost than right now with seemingly abundant options to choose from. The pros and cons of each choice have been tried so many times that they must have already left permanent imprints in my mind, but nothing helps to reconcile the mismatch between what I have and what I want. It almost seems that people like me are best left with no options. On that ground, even though far from putting the agonizing sphinx question to rest, at least the internship reshuffles my choice cards and gives industry a lower priority on my career path.

Life goes on:
Maybe it is not the adventurous spirit but the inherent insecurity in me that often entertains the thought of moving to a new place every few years with all my belongings neatly packed in two suitcases. For now, my short excursion is over and real life is waiting for me to go on.